renebow and football

my little sister knows very little about professional sports. and this is only going to be funny for those who know her. she went over with me all the things she knows about the upcoming superbowl:

• the 2 teams playing are the new england patriots and the new york giants
• tom brady is the QB for the patriots. while he is hot, he is probably evil as he broke up with his pregnant actress girlfriend to hook up with a supermodel. and she gave the baby her last name, not his
  
• there was a lot of controversy last week b/c he was wearing a boot
• eli manning is the QB for the giants. he comes from a family of football players, and hes a big pussy. hes not quite as big of a pussy has his brother peyton manning, the QB for the indiana colts, but hes still a pussy.
  
• when you miss a kick (she didnt call it a field goal) you shanked it
• a hail mary is when you throw the ball from really really really far away and a guy catches it in the end zone.
  

i'm pretty amazed she managed to pick up this much information. i guess i should be proud shes gotten this far. i'm especially proud that she knows what a pussy eli manning is. now if i could only explain to her the concept of a quarterback sneak, she would be all set.

wishful thinking?

the latest hardball gossip speculates that since pedro feliz has signed with the philadephia phillies, the giants are short a 3rd baseman and may try to pursue joe crede of the white sox via trade.

my adoration for crede is well known. ever since he took a hit and cursed out roy oswalt in the 2005 world series, he's been my favorite white sox player. HOTT! michael barrett had a similar altercation with oswalt. hmm, odd. coincidence? maybe.

anyways, i am 100% against crede being traded from the sox. that is, unless he gets traded to a bay area team where i can watch him and his amazing defensive moves on a daily basis locally. plus, every time he comes to bat, i can say "again?!" just like tsiny.

the giants won't make a move for crede until spring training, and they see that he is healthy. patience is key. i'm willing to wait. if my patience pays off, i'll have the opportunity see to crede play several dozen times this year. how cool would that be?!

to the command center, take me

so fatass has a new nephew. she told me yesterday that his middle name is "yoda"

trying to be understanding, i asked her if there was something going on with "yoda" that was less dorky than it sounded. fatass' response was "to the command center, take me." i guess not. my fatass is funny :)

i already know a kid named anakin, and now i know one whose middle name is yoda. i think mr and mrs spidey should name their soon-to-arrive son "chewbacca" or maybe even "obi-wan." i'm funny right?

too many pitchers?

the recent signings of jon leiber and shingo takatsu (granted its a minor league contract with an non-roster invitation to spring training) have me baffled. the only bullpen pitcher from last year not on the roster now is will ohman, who was only good for giving up homers to barry bonds.

we dont need pitching. we have plenty. its a sharp contrast to the south side. on that side of the tracks, kenny williams thinks that mark buehrle and bobby jenks can win more games than the detroit tigers this year. yeah, right. what phrase is stronger than fucking unrealistic?

and as much as we don't need pitchers, we don't need hella old pitchers. lieber is 37, and shingo is 39. what is it, senior week at the front office? sheesh.

the only positive portent that comes out of the lieber deal -- lieber won 20 games for the cubs in 2002. he was allowed to go and spent several years battling injuries. mark prior won 18 games of the cubs in 2003. we couldnt let him go, and he spent several years battling back from injuries. we bring lieber back when hes fully healthy 6 years after his stellar season with the cubs. does this mean we can bring back mark prior for 2009? just a thought.

so immature

so, who's more immature?

when hey you found out about a female friend who may shack up this weekend, her reaction was "he's going to sleep in her bed and rub her boobies"

is she more immature for saying it, or am i more immature for laughing for 10 min afterwards? i'm sad that i could not come up with something so witty.

hey you is funny :)