no soul

like i knew was going to happen, leonard bernstein was not able to make it out here this weekend. of course not. work. thats always the reason. im pretty much used to it.

cuz was nice enough to go with me to the OAR show at the fillmore. i thought the show and the music were good, but cuz had to be a sport about going. she doesn't know OAR, and she really doesnt like being at a show full of marina kids. understandable.

nights like this though, made me wonder if i have a soul. leonard bernstein texted me during the show, and, in his own cynical way, made it clear he was pissed about not being there and missing me.

we've never discussed the band before. but he was immediately receptive to seeing them, his only concern being that we would be the oldest people in the audience. this is where our realtionship confounds me. without a discussion, we understand how much the other loves music like this, without even asking.

OAR, despite their marina/lincoln park audience, has some really good things to say. they mean alot to me. and ive missed several opportunites to see them.

seeing them for the first time, and knowing that leonard bernstein had really intended to see me before he left, and was pissed he wasn't there, is a rage of emotions that would normally cause your average woman to at least shed a tear, if not out and out cry.

but not me. apparently i have no soul. i couldnt even conjure up a tear out of guilt.

i care, i really do. i just can't seem to cry. should i be concerned?